15 Things it takes years to learn

1. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

2. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

3. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe we are excellent drivers.

4. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

5. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

6. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

7. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

8. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

9. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle and too much make-up.

10. You should not confuse your career with your life.

11. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person.

12. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

13. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Usually, that individual is crazy.

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Happy Father's Day Dad!

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The meaning of words

The Washington Post has an annual contest to provide wrong meanings for well-known words. Here are some of my favorites from this year's winners list.

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your negligee.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul goes up to the roof and gets stuck there.
Pokemon (n.), a Jamaican proctologist.

Some of these just made me laugh out loud. I hope everyone has a good weekend and to all you Father's out there.......Happy Father's Day!

In My Dreams

I really want to go to Europe, namely France, Germany, Italy & Greece. It's my dream and I think about it a lot. A LOT. I google these countries almost daily just to fuel my fantasies and drool. Here are some pictures I found today of Germany. I could live here for a few months, just look at this town. Wouldn't it be so relaxing?